when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
