its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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