Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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