drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
