i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
try to milk me bitch
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
