we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
