maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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