I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
