theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
