We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The air taste purple.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
