I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
