why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
