i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
