But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
