Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
