know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
