Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
