ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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