three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
