Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
