I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
