I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
