I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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