Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We left the knife in your bed.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
