I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
