I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize