Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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