Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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