so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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