You really coming over, don't trick.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
