There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
