Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
