Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
