She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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