just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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