its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
