My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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