I wanna passion pit in your ass
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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