then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
