This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
