What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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