bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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