I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
