the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
