the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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