he puts the penis in happiness.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
