Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
