My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
