It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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