You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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