If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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