Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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