i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
