I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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