Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
