Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
