he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
