she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
