ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
