I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
