bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
