It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Naked Twister starts at high noon
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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