I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize