NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
