Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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