oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize