is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
