my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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