i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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