How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Small penises have feelings too.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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