Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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