I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
