I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
