he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
