dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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