when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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