So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize