If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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