and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
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