The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize