Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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