There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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