Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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