I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
