Pants 0. Shit 1.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
