How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
