i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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