Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All I want is dick and wine.
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