for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
