i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
