Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
