I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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