you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
