Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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