I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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